dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
