you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
