just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
