Just mADE A PArabola og urine
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
