Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
