Buhtt sex?
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
