Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
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