so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
