my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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