she was so not down for the gang bang
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
