I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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