so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
