I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
