Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
50% drunk capacity currently
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
