The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
