I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
