Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
