Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
how drunk are you?
Several
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
