Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
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