Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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