my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
