dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
