My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
