and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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