The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Someone shit on the floor
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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