I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Randomize
