Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
