i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
