My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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