"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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