every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
