Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Randomize
