why didn't you poke me back
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
