I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
