Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
