mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
