Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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