Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
