I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
