Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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