dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
he shaved USA in his pubs
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
