508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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