You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
