i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Randomize
