You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
