Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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