I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
