It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
