Midget sex pt 2 tonight
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
