no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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